I am battling some new challenges this week. I just feel like I keep getting kicked harder when I'm already down. It doesn't feel like it is ever going to end or we're ever going to catch a little break. I know that there are a lot of other people out there who are in the same boat that we're in right now and I empathize with them. So, I'm thinking of getting another job. It hurts so bad to think that I might have to do this. I'm already away from Ava more then I should be. There are a lot of adolescent group homes where I live and since I already work with troubled youth, I pretty much have the job if I want it. I just need to get back to them and let them know. I'm really really struggling with this right now. If I do take the job, it will put me back a year or so on my graduate degree as well as a lot more time away from the home... and at my job with the state, it's possible that I might have to take a mandatory furlough of 8 hours per month for a year and that my insurance premiums will go up as well. If that is the case, I really have no other choice but to take a second job. I've also went back on my birth control pills... so no baby right now either! I'm also really struggling with that one. There are just so many things I'd like to post right now but it would be from emotions and not logically thinking so I'm not going to post some of those things. So.. how's that for a pity party???
There are some positives though. Ava can sing her ABC's, count to 20 in both English and Spanish and she's only 3 years old! I'm so proud of her. She's such a smart little cookie. She loves to sing songs, dance and play. She's my little sunshine and the light of my life. She's has such a cute personality and a very creative imagination. She drew me a picture on her closet doors. So instead of being the big bad mommy and getting mad, I joined her and we drew a picture together. I told her that tomorrow we were going to paint and once painted, she couldn't draw anymore and she said "okay mommy". I just think with all of the stressors in my house right now, she can feel the stress as well and I think it relieved a lot of stress for both of us. I really don't think she'll ever do it again. If she does, I'll probably have to get mad next time. She's just growing up so fast. Mommy loves you sweet Ava!
So... there's my life in a nutshell right now. I'm hoping for some good weather in the next few days so we can go outside to play and take some pictures. I'll post pictures once I get some. Hope all is well. I'm going to bed! Loves...
3 comments:
I know how your feel. I've known for a long time that my contract work with the Church would be over soon and we'd planned on it and were even excited about it...and now with the economy sucking and Curtis's business totally slowing down and not to mention my horrid health problems, I don't know how we are going to make it. It seems impossible. But, I am trying really hard to just have faith that things will work out. It might mean giving up some of our favorite things for awhile (just not buying our pop from Costco saved us almost $30) and sticking to a really tight budget (which sucks) but things are bound to get better someday. And you are right, AVA is really the most important thing and this time in her life is SO crucial and special. You'll never get this time with her again and she needs her mommy. But we have to do what we have to do sometimes and I know how hard it is to make decisions like that. GOOD LUCK! I LOVE YOU!!!
Aimee...Thanks for you comment on my blog. Looks like we are going through alot of the same emotions right now (except I dont want another baby) lol...four is enough (ha) but I wanted to say thanks for the advise and for caring to check on me and my kiddos. I appreciate it more than you know, especially since you are feeling down right now too.
Life is hard and I've had it rough, but WE (you and I) will get through this rut. The economy is so bad right now, and hopefully you wont have to work a second job for long. I dont have a daddy at home for my kids or I'd be working a 2nd job too. I cant leave them with my parents any more than I already do.
Keep your chin up and know that I am praying for you as well.
Dont you love having blogging buddies! It is such a relief to be able to type what you feel and get it off your chest sometimes ?huh? Now if I could just get over this panic attack today!
I don't have a lot of inspiring advice, I just want you to know that you will be in my prayers and I hope things will get better. I think the sunshine we are starting to get more of will at least brighten our moods a bit! :) Let me know if there is anything I can do to help!
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